Monday, July 21, 2008

Booze, Blues and a Bus

I started plotting my roadtrip to see Marcia Ball several months ago in the midst of my "I must occupy my time with many new things to get over this horrific breakup" stage. When I met Tyler in March during the Big XII Tournament in downtown KC, I really didn't think it was going anywhere - he lives in Des Monies...fucking IOWA...three hours away. But we sort of became this support for each other since he had just broken up with his girlfriend of seven years, which meant we bitched about our exs on the phone for hours, then suddenly realized, "hey, wait, I kind of like you."
And, so, after he made a few trips down here I figured the July 19 date Marcia Ball was in Des Monies for the Ribs Across America Festival was the perfect excuse to visit the guy. Marcia Ball's crazy cajun piano playing ass, barbeque and a nice guy - I mean, really, what else could I ask for?
Except there was one thing...I'd be staying with his parent's house. Yes, as a new 23-year-old grad still waiting to move to northern Iowa for his job, Tyler lives with mommy and daddy. I'm going, what the hell do I say to these people? "Hi, I'm Tyler's older Kansas City ho that he met randomly at a bar a few months ago that's going to be in your son's bed with him tonight." Really? I almost didn't go just for that reason, but Tyler assured me that it would be fine.
Then, I got to thinking - what the fuck do I care? Tyler and I are not dating and while I would consider it if we happened to live somewhat near each other, it's probably not going to happen anytime soon. There's no reason to impress these people and really? I'm fabulous. What's not to like even when I'm not putting on the "impress the parents show?" (That was my mantra which got me to drive the three hours and stay at the PARENT'S HOUSE of a guy I hardly know - just humor me.)
So, off I went. Marcia was incredible as always although Tyler and his Kanye West lovin' ass wasn't really into it. *Note to self, must culture him a bit before dating.*
We ate a blue sno cone, got our photo taken by Juice Magazine, which ended up on the Internet and brought pulled pork sandwiches back to his parents' house where I proceeded to stuff my face and talk everybody's ear off. His mom LOVES to talk, which made my life a while lot easier because so do I. The property was beautiful and I think my favorite were the gigantic goldfish they keep stocked in this landscaped pond in the backyard...or maybe it was their chunky ass Australian cattle dog named Nikki...that's a hard one.
That night it proceeded to monsoon and I sat white knuckled in the passenger seat of Tyler's truck while he drove through it to his friend's house which was roughly 35 years away. I think my heart stopped more than once and gray hairs popped out of my scalp since I wasn't exactly sure how he was even seeing the white and yellow lines on the road through the choppy ocean of water we were driving through. Once we got there, we swam to the house, then the mother of the friend (why the hell does everybody in Iowa live with their parents?) stared at me pitifully and asked, "do you want a hairdryer or something?"
The beach towel I used to dry myself off after the unwanted shower wasn't quite enough to help me not look like a complete drown rat, but, hey once again, who the hell did I have to impress?
We boarded a party bus for somebody's birthday at the house that was full of already drunk, born and bread Iowa boys, picked up some bitchy girls along the way and headed to the bar district. I was pleasantly surprised to meet about three girls that were actually civil - c'mon girls, can't we all just get along? - and that the bars were actually crowded and FUN. There's beer and dancing and young people and the same old douchebags running around like at home, but just in a different city. I almost felt bad for all of the "Idiots Out Wandering Around" and "Armpit of America" comments I've made my whole life...almost being the key word.
The next day Tyler took me out on the waverunner, then we stuffed ourselves with pizza at Old Chicago and said our goodbyes much later than I had planned. Goddamn that drive is boring...
What was funny about the trip was in my quest to "not care" and my "who do I have to impress?" attitude, I actually ended up impressing someone...Tyler...and his parents!
Apparently Tyler said they won't stop talking about me...especially his mom and sister. And Tyler was taken a back by my ability to have fun drown rat style rather than being pissed and letting my monsoon ruined hair run my night.
But, that's just me and I'm glad some people appreciate me for just being me. I think I'll keep him around for a while...even if he does live in the armpit of America. ; )

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