Sunday, August 31, 2008

I Come for the Cotton Candy

Sick with the beer flu, I refrained from any alcoholic beverages at the T-Bones game we went to as a part of Kate's birthday weekend Saturday night. The $6 tickets got us "seats" on what is known as "the burm" - a half grass, half mud hill that you plant your ass on where ever you can find a bare spot while two dozen screaming, grimy children run around you invading your personal space. Hey, it's minor independent league baseball in Kansas City, what do you expect?
But $1 hot dogs, Dippin' Dots and bags of cotton candy as big as your torso made our seats a little better and we found several activities other than watching the game to entertain ourselves - watching the little kids catch staph infections from a nasty mud hole and cracking up when these two conversations took place while trying to convince little children not to crawl under the deck through a hole in the lattice we were sitting next to:

Mark: "Hey, get outta there!"
Kid: "But we're looking for worms!"
Mark: "That's great, but you can't do it here."
Sam: "The worms under there have rabies."


Kate: "Don't go under there."
Kid No. 2: (extremely concerned and whiny) "But we're looking for worms because we're making a drink tower and we have to have worms! We HAVE TO!"
Kate: "Well, yes, that makes perfect sense."

We were also quite entertained with the little child with a mullet, french braiding Baron's hair and my personal favorite, distracting the right fielder from the other team.
After inhaling the better part of one of said torso sized bags of cotton candy, I decided the right fielder from Fargo was intriguing and started waving at him. One time I got a wave back and another time I got a hat tip - yeah, I'm pretty big pimpin'.
The waving turned into loud choruses of "HEEEEEEEY MOOOORTIMER!" (the name on the back of his jersey). When he went up to bat, we found out his first name was Steve and then, (if I would have had binoculars), I saw him pound his chest with his fist twice and mouth the words "This is for you hot yellow tank top girl," then he busted out a grand slam.
Kate then decided to make me a sign and the three seconds it took to take this picture was the longest I stayed up by the wall despite much encouragement from my group who thought my retardedness was quite entertaining. That's Kate's caption from Facebook with it.


I think the best part of this picture is the fact that the baseball player isn't paying ANY attention at all to the game in progress, but is blatantly staring at Lara :) Oh, Mortimer...so dreamy!

Since I was convinced this guy was probably a toad since I couldn't see his face from that far away I decided to continue my charade and wait for him to walk past me on the way to the locker room. Except he got closer and all the little girls wanted their picture taken with him - little girls with fabulously mature taste because he was gorgeous. I was all, "uhhhhhh, uhmmmm, derrrr." He finally shook all the little girls clinging to his arms and legs off of him and I managed a "Heeeey Steve," when he walked by...and kept walking by. Dammit Steve.
"Did you enjoy the game?" he called out over his shoulder. "Come to the playoffs!"

Wait! Who won the game? You guys have playoffs?

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