When it rains, it pours and what I mean by that is, when one part of your life decides to take a giant shit on you, it's inevitable that others will soon follow suite and also decide to drop trou and squeeze out Cleveland Steamers all over you. While I'm not a fan of being drenched in shat, I suppose it takes a shitstorm every once in a while to make you re-evaluate your life and make changes whether it be physical aspects or within yourself.
I hate to jinx it, but things are starting to look up. I haven't burst into tears for any given reason in a whole 48 hours, I'm starting to build a future career plan and act on it and aliens have yet to abduct me and implant a large anal probe in me - I'd say that's pretty good progress.
When life is a whore, you must remember this one thing - be happy with what you have. Find something, ANYTHING that makes the corners of your mouth turn up the slightest bit and hang onto it. There has to be something. Or you could always look to others for inspiration.
Take my niece Remi for instance. My mom and I were going to lunch last week and happened to pass by my sister on her way to the mall for a lunch date with one of her friends. We popped in after lunch to visit and watch Remi play on the little indoor playground. I mentioned something about the crazy huge gumball machine, which got my mom digging for quarters and caught Remi's attention who then screamed "I WANT A PINK ONE!"
Wild eyed, she beelined for the gumball machine, blond curly pigtails bouncing and tiny bare feet slapping against the tile floor (yeah, I know, barefoot in the mall. My mom was all pushing antibacterial wipes on my sister and exclaiming about "all the Swine Flu," but what are you going to do? She's 2 and hates shoes. Oh child, if you're truly related to me, that is going to change so quickly...). Oh her way, she turned around to scream about pink gumballs again, then nearly had a small, standing seizure when she got to the machine, then another one when the gumballs started their swirling, musical path through the machine. She screeched with delight as she watched them make their way down, then had another seizure when they landed at the bottom. I pulled them out, handed them over and before I knew it, I had a red gumball shoved in my face and a teeny little girl insistently screaming, "BITE IT! BITE IT!" at me. I was already cracking up from her reaction to a gumball machine and this made me not only confused, but nearly fall over with laughter.
Apparently I didn't know the protocol for preventing a child from choking on a gumball - biting it in half then giving it to them piece by piece. She just gave me this look like, 'why the hell won't you bite the gumball lady? Do you have something against it?' As if it was a perfectly logical request that everybody knew about. Whatever kid, what do I look like? A mommy? I'm just a lowly auntie, I don't know these things. Mema quickly took over before I could recover to prevent Remi's head from exploding from excitement.
Perhaps I'll just live my life through the eyes of a two-year-old from now on. It seems much more fun than through the jaded eyes of a 26-year-old.
OK, and how about my little shit of a dog Andy? Yeah, he may be a little dickhead (who I had to run after AGAIN today for probably a mile and on our way back home, he decided to roll in a succulent pile of shit, which forced me to bathe him...bastard), but he is the most joyous creature I've ever encountered. Everything is fucking awesome in his world. He's all,
"Oh my god! Food! YAAAY! Oh holy shit! People I've never seen, but people nonetheless! YAAAAY grass to shit on! Oh my god, a piece of rope! Walking around! A leaf just blew by! Did you see that?! Lets bark at it, YAAAY!"
Seriously, the dog loves everything with the exception of plastic bags hanging in trees and plastic, glowy Santas. Living your life through the eyes of a spoiled and extraordinarily spirited Jack Russell Terrier - now that would be ideal.
Yeah, I just compared my niece to my dog, but hey, what's cuter than babies and dogs? That's right - not a damn thing.
In other words, I'm enjoying the small things, living one day at a time, slowly figuring it out and breathing - all sans straight jacket, which at this time last week, I was fairly certain I wouldn't be able to make it through this without one of those coming into play.
Out with the psycho, in with sane...ish. ; )