Thursday, June 18, 2009

Well, Hello There Week 8...You Bastard

I'm now in the middle of week number 8 of unemployment. Two mothertrucking months without work and what do I have to show for it?

--- A thriving herb garden, one dead hanging plant due to aphids (fucking aphids! Whores!) and the ability to use those herbs in many ways to cook for myself and others. Behold cilantro chicken with cilantro rice, gourmet quesadilla with chives, salad and raspberry mojito that I made for Kate, Sam and myself a few weeks ago, which was delicious if I do say so myself:

Wait...did I just say cook? Yes, I may have to change the subtitle of this blog because unemployment has turned me into a slightly less domestically disabled Kansas chick. I may just make a good housewife one day...except I still don't actually like cooking and now that I've outed myself on the Internet, if I ever do find a nice, non-fucktard-ish man to marry one day, I could run the risk of him actually expecting me to have dinner on the table when he arrives home from work (however, if he actually is in fact a non-fucktard, he won't) to which I will reply, 'sorry, I was too busy scratching my ass all day...there's some pizza in the freezer and the oven's right there. Have fun and make me some while you're at it.'

--- An extremely scholarly Jack Russell Terrier with an extensive vocabulary because living alone and unemployed forces you have conversations with the dog...a LOT.

"Professor Andrew J. Finkelstein"

--- A slightly hotter physique due to the extra yoga and kickboxing classes I can now take advantage of with all this extra time...that is when I'm not busy floating in the pool handing out my resume to everyone I see or sitting on my ass eating ice cream cleaning my apartment.

Now, keep in mind that this is only slightly sexier than I was before and it is an actual photo, so you can see some blemishes here and there like my ripped abs and my full C cups popping out of my swimsuit - soooo, embarrassing, but I like to be as open and honest as I can on this blog.

--- Many, many more doggie friends...and the start of a goal to help others.

Laaaaaaaaaazy asses:

This is Andy and Kate and Sam's dog Frank being disgustingly cute last week. I watched Frank a.k.a Dingo, a.k.a. Fatmo, for a few days while his parents were out of town and was very proud of him for avoiding my shoes and only chewing up non-important items such as colored tissue paper and a plastic hanger. What a festive yard Kate and Sam will have after a weekend with Auntie Harn!

I also had my volunteer training session at the Humane Society on Saturday like I had talked about and found that it's a lot less involved than I thought - no feeding, no cleaning up shit - just hanging out with the dogs or cats or doing office work. It's a little disappointing because I want to feel like I'm actually helping instead of just playing. Of course today I went in for the first time to actually volunteer and hung out with a couple of lovely young pit bulls who gave me lots of slobbery, jowl-y kisses on my face and muddy paw prints on my shirt. I think my favorite part will be the adoption events where I'll actually be able to tell potential owners that, 'this dog is fucking awesome,' except I probably won't say 'fucking' since that's a bit abrasive for the very young and the very old and the very righteous, but it's going to be hard since it's just such a good way to get your point across.

and last, but most certainly not least...

--- I'm a newly SINGLE woman with a new outlook.

Sometimes is takes a while to realize when somebody in your life is no longer bringing you happiness, but is in fact bringing you down. Reflecting back on the last several months, I see that my life began taking a nosedive right around January and has continued in that downward motion since then...until I figured out what my problem actually was. I learned at a young age that some people are just poisonous and as long as they're in your life, they'll continue to suck the life out of you. No badmouthing, no name calling, no petty bullshit - Let's just say I took a bold step earlier this week that should have been done a long time ago and I see it as a learning experience...and we'll leave it at that.

That one little (read: HUGE) thing has had a remarkable affect on my mood and my behavior - I'm not worried or anxious or pissed off or sad or disappointed all the time anymore - I'm relaxed and open and HAPPY and myself again...Nearly fucking euphoric I tell you...weights being lifted...sighs of relief...and it's amazing how your life instantly lifts once you remove yourself from a bad situation.

Such as Tuesday night - I didn't really want to go out, but my friend Erin had called and asked if I wanted to go out for a drink with her and her friend Whitney. Finally, I threw on a crappy tank top, pulled my hair back, decided to meet up with them and ended up having the time of our lives. Drinks, dancing on stage, dueling pianos, a drunk guy backing his ass up on Erin multiple times, getting called out by said dueling pianists, laughing hysterically, an unexpected, but pleasant run-in with a guy I used to date in college, an unexpected and strange run in with my world geography teacher from high school (wtf?), '90s music galore, a sweaty guy doing the worm and we even met several pleasant guys, one in particular. But, most importantly, I had FUN with the girls. No worries what-so-ever...although I think they regretted it slightly since they both had to be up at the ass crack of dawn for work the next morning. Ouch.

Except there's still one little thing that's still kind of bothering me...


Eh, minor details...


Kate said...

Nice Harry Potter glasses on Boo-jens. Lookin' smart, dog. Oh, and dinner that night was awesome! I still want that chicken marinade recipe.

Dave said...

Damn, you should consider being a model with a bod like that!

Dingo said...

Holy shit woman, you have a lot of stuff going on right now! I can say "shit" right? I mean, you said "fuck" then again, it is your blog and you can say any damn thing you want...

ANYWAY, I'm so impressed that you are volunteering at the Humane Society. It may not seem like much to you, but I'm sure the dogs appreciate the play and kisses time. Ask Andrew Finklestein if you don't believe me. He knows everything.

But really, how do you have time to work out and get that great body! What's your secret? Drinking and shopping?


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