Tuesday, July 7, 2009

How About a Honk?

I read so much about "sensual boob honks" on my regular blogs and now it's totally my turn to chat about boob honkage...except I wouldn't so much describe mine as sensual, but more like violent and punchy.

Since I'm currently jobless and have lots of spare time that I'd rather spend doing something productive instead of sitting there drunk with my thumb up my ass, I went through training at the Humane Society of Greater Kansas City and am now officially a volunteer. Last Thursday and Friday I experienced my first dog adoption event at Starlight Theater, a local outdoor theater that just happened to be showing "Legally Blonde" the musical those nights. Basically, each volunteer is assigned a dog and we just walk around with the dogs for a couple hours, talk to people, answer questions about the specific dogs and the organization and hopefully get people interested in adopting an animal.

Seems simple and all Good Samaritan-ish, right? Thursday night went pretty much without a hitch. The little black Lab puppy that I had nearly knocked over the Humane Society sign, which then almost took out the entire tent and I sweated like a whore in church because it was so goddamn hot, but eh details...

Friday...hmmmm...yeaaaah. From the very beginning I felt a little shunned as "the new girl" even though I had just done the same thing the night before. There were different people, which created a different vibe and I ended up with a different dog - a sweet, lil fatty whose life goal was to find treats even if it meant ripping my arm out of the socket and taking about 800 shits that were my responsibility to clean up. Oh holy shit, there's nothing better than scraping and bagging doggie soft serve off the grass on a hot summer evening. BLEH, BLAH, I'm dry heaving just thinking about it...

One of the other chicks had a hyper ass, strong yellow Lab that would randomly decide to bucking bronco and jerk her around the grassy area. At one point, while my dog took a break from shitting, she crossed leashes with hyper ass yellow Lab who, right at that moment, decided it was the perfect time to bolt. Yellow Lab handler chick then spun around and went flying through the air with her arms outstretched preparing to fall face first to the ground, but before face planting, my left boob helped break her fall. The sudden palm punch to the tit then caused me to fall backwards straight on my ass.

I, of course, start laughing hysterically because there's pretty much nothing funnier than people falling down and when you throw in an unscripted, stranger to stranger boob honk, it's just pure comedy. However, yellow Lab chick seemed absolutely mortified as she peeled her face from the indentation the crash left in the grass. "Did anyone see that?!" She asked one of the guy volunteers that witnessed the whole thing. "Are you OK?!" She asked me.

Yeah, other than getting Charley Horsed in the tit, I was just fine, but I decided not to bring that up since the chick was so embarrassed. I just wish I had a little more padding to help cushion her fall.

As for my 4th of July - It involved drinking beer, blowing shit up, drinking more beer, meeting an elfish soccer player from Hawaii and randomly picking up one of my friends who was walking down the street at 3 a.m. carrying a jug of water in one hand and a giant dog bone in the other, so you know, the usual. Nothing too exciting.

The "sensual" boob honk was definitely the weekend highlight because, you know, they always are.


miss. chief said...

ha! i would have laughed too.
i was totally expecting you to say the dog did that thing where they're excited and jump straight up into the air and push off of your chest with their legs...
this was much funnier

Dingo said...

I definitely would have laughed. And to make matters worse, I would've called out, "I saw you touch her boob!"

Kurt said...

Sensual Boob punches are WAY harder to pull off, so congrats to your fellow handler. That's like jumping the Snake River on a Segway.

Magic City College Girl said...

wow what a day. lol, i have to admit i would laugh too. but its great that you are volunteering with humane society. they do great work. i have wanted to volunteer with them too. i have a humane society near where i live but just dont have the time. i would love to not have to work for a living and just go to school and do things i like to do.

Harna said...

Miss.Chief - Yeah, I'm used to the dog bouncing off the boobs thing. Andy does it daily to me and anybody else who dares walk in the door of my apartment.

Dingo - I was feeling a bit "shunned" as the new girl that night like I said. Yelling that out could have actually made the situation less shun-ful.

Kurt - Yes, I know and with minimal bruising!

MCCG - It took losing my job to actually start volunteering, which is pretty sad considering you really get to choose how much much time you want to put into it. You should do it.

Organic Meatbag said...

Would sensual moob honks have the same effect? But wow, yeah, sounds like it was a good weekend..hahaha!


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