Monday, February 8, 2010

Welcome Home, Here's Some Death

So, I came home from interviewing a client today for my freelance job and saw two police cars parked in front of the adjacent apartment building with a police officer pacing back and forth between the cars while staring at the building.

At first I thought, OK, who punched their baby mama in the face for mouthing off? but then I remembered that I don't so much live in the ghetto, but more like in an unofficial retirement community, so that's probably not the explanation for all the coppers. As I went to pull into my garage, which is underneath my apartment and on the opposite side of the entrance to my building, I slammed on my brakes when I realized my garage was blocked by another cop car, an ambulance and a fire truck.

Now my heart crawled up into my throat and I thought, Oh holy shit! My apartment is a blaze! You know, because that would just be my luck right now. I'm starting to wonder what horrid thing I did in my past life.

Then I snapped out of my narcissistic mood and realized all the attention was aimed towards the building behind mine. Being the nosy journalist that I am, I parked my car in front and ran upstairs to open my blinds slightly and spy with my perfect view of the action. A police officer stood inside the front doorway of the apartment directly behind me, leaning against the clear storm door and opening it every once and a while to allow a gloved paramedic to run to his vehicle for more equipment. A flimsy looking gurney with a beige blanket sat empty outside the front door.

I looked down the row of garages and noticed that the other entrance to the garages was also blocked off by another police car and a fire truck. Did terrorists attack my apartment complex? What the hell is going on?

After several minutes, more paramedics emerged from the apartment carrying backboards and other equipment and began packing their vehicles to head out. Eventually I heard the big engines rev and they all drove away. I thought maybe somebody was having chest pains or something and it was probably just a false alarm since nobody was ever carried out of the apartment and carted away in the ambulance with sirens blaring.

Then, about an hour later, I heard more voices and furious knocking outside my window and I looked out to see a white mini van and two men wheeling a sturdier looking gurney into the same apartment. No fucking way.

A few minutes later, here they come with gloves on, their gurney now with a noticeable human body shaped bulge on it, all zipped up in a black bag with a single red rose laying on the chest of whoever was inside.

Dude, my neighbor totally DIED today and I pretty much witnessed it along with the aftermath. Seriously? How many dead bodies can one person who does not work in the medical field or the morgue see in a month's time? I'm kinda disturbed by this.

Of course, I drive right past that very doorway every day and I have no idea who the hell lived there — man, woman, old, young — hell if I know. Also, my neighbor below me moved out weeks ago and I didn't even notice until the handy men were re-carpeting her empty apartment the other day. Neighbor of Year right here. They should probably make me the head of the neighborhood watch as well.

Man, my life has been really fucking depressing lately, huh? Plus, I'm pretty sure the sun and warmth don't exist anymore since I haven't experienced either in months. Boo. I need a nice, sunny vaca. Shit, even a tanning bed would do wonders right now...if I wasn't so afraid my pasty ass would disintegrate at the first glimmer of UV rays.

I did have quite the experience on Friday night...MMA fight...skeezy bar...nearly witnessing a public sex act against a giant pickup truck...are you intrigued? If you're not, I'm severely disappointed in you. Stay tuned for all the sexiness.

7 comments:

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Well. I'm staying tuned for the sexiness for sure.

But really. Your neighbours sound like the plot to an independent movie. Intriguing.

miss. chief said...

I'm intrigued!

Logical Libby said...

I think you should have gone over there and gotten all CSI on them. You know, asking if they had phosphoresced for prints and whatnot.

Elly Lou said...

From the random deaths of strangers to the random sex acts of strangers...bring it.

Liz Buckley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Prosy said...

Maybe one of your neighbors is the Grim Reaper. Maybe YOU'RE the Grim Reaper and you haven't realized...existential.
Looking forward to sex.

Luna said...

that sux about your neighbor. i also never know anything about my neighbors either. i dont care to. i have not have any good experiences from them in the past. i am intrigued about all the sexiness too. i just love reading your posts.

 

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